Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
