then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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