good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
