You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We have started to decorate penises.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
