It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
