Will you blow on my dice?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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