Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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