You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
