PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
