i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
