i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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