So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
