Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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