Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
