Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
