Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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