do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
