I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
