So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
