she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
