How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
