Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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