Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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