She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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