Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
