Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
