I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
