Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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