dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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