I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
