i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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