I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
