So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
