Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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