You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
