What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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