We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He has the fingertips of a God
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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