Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
