If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
