thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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