I'd wear matching sweaters with you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
