I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
