Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I pour the whiskey from now on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
