Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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