The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We're not piercing ourselves today.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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