I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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