im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
