i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
