Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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