How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
