I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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