I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
