Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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