she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
