i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
