i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
