Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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