why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
