I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
