If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just puked most of my soul out..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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