This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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