i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
there is puke in my bra ... again
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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