we have officially lost it.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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