does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
