its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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