Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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