They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
