I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
