P.S. I can't hear my feet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
