It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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